a new day

Today I decided to take a new look at the food I could eat.  I ate a thin bagel with egg whites and asparagus and mushrooms.  It was yummy and nearly filling.  I had a concoction that Laurie and I came up with for lunch which was ground turkey with taco seasons, avocado, tomato re-fried beans and fat free sour cream. It was very filling and tasty. Dinner...well, I had left over lemon fish and while good fish is not a great leftover I look forward to. 

I have still got the diarrhea and cramps that I am pretty sure are coming from the metformin.  I have been drinking diet soda and maybe....maybe, the sweeteners are bothering me.  Needless to say, Laurie is worried more than I.  I will call the doctor on Monday and talk to him about the above.

Speaking of Doctors, I made an appointment to see an endocrinologist next Wednesday.  The no Carb diet that my doctor has me on WILL KILL ME.  I want someone in the know to direct me.  SO that means the Endo and a nutritionist. I just think that my doctor is a bit to out of the know for what I need.

Tomorrow is a super busy day.....need my rest

and so on

Today started out as a nightmare....I took the Metformin as directed after a meal....breakfast.  45 minutes later I was sound asleep and woke up because the phone rang 1.5 hours later.  Sugar was 140 and that is good.  But still no motivation to move.  Finally I got up and went to the store got some small foods and came home.  Ate a California Roll and 2 hours later tested my sugar. 243!!!

So other symptoms that I am having that S U C K are liquid diarrhea..bright Yellow....I know TMI... crampy stomach...very full feeling. I am not retaining water I know that FOR SURE.  So I struggle with the newest diabetic issues continually checking my sugar.

We did have yummy Tilapia from a local grocer it was lemony and had some panko...I know bread crumbs...but hey the fish over took the bread.  Sometimes we just have to deal.

Richard is particularly crabby.  Work continues to suck for him and put my ass of a brother on top of it makes it worse.  We also have the IRS to deal with and then he has to worry about little ole me....

am I crabby.....? maybe.

I am doing my best to be positive about everything.  It is day two and my best friend and husband are talking this to death....day two...I am having coping issues as I am deserving right now.  It is a big deal to be me lately. Besides the knee pain and the sleep apnea and the checking of blood levels 3 times a day .....yeah I am a bit crabby....well deserved in my opinion.  My friend Anne who I just found out is diabetic and has been for a few years has been so helpful and supportive.  I am thankful for her.  Not that Laurie and Richard are not...they just don't let it go.

Went for the 2 eggs this am with 3 brown and serve turkey sausage.  Satisfying...tho breakfast is one of those meals I can easily and have skipped...NOT anymore.  Lunch was at a local eatery where I dined with Laurie and Richard. We all had salad. It was good.  I had a chopped salad with no croutons, or cheese and a water with lemon.  I tested when I came home and I was 179.  Right where they say I should be after a meal.  Ok then.

I do have to remind myself everyday that God is going to get me through this.  I do pray daily that He will continue to support me and help me with the hard choices every.single.day.  Do I want to take one bite of that bread.....yes, but I want to see my boys grow old...no bite.  I will keep using that till I can't anymore. It will be enough.  I have not had any real tough choices yet, no parties, no pizza outings...no being tempted with chocolate.  That will be a tough one....chocolate. 

I need to decide how I am going to get exercise with this baaaaad knee....something for the horizon.

Diabetic...really???

Well, actually I was told yesterday by Dr. Kokocinski (down at RUSH) as she wrapped up my blood work and informed me that my knee would not be replaced until I had the DIABETES under control. REALLY DIABETES??

I saw Dr. Margules (my main Doc who I do like)  and was given the cold hard facts about DIABETES. The list of foods that I will, and I quote, "NEVER EAT AGAIN" if I am to 1)stay alive 2) be able to see and 3) not have to pee into a bag.  Big things on that list include: Pizza, Bagels, peanut butter, bananas, pasta, chips...and CHOCOLATE to name a few. Yeah, that word was NEVER. I mean really never is an awfully long time when you are still not quite 50.  So now I am marinating in the loss of some of the foods that I will NEVER eat again.  Who knew that food would play such a big part in someones life.  I mean I get that you need it to stay alive and all but for nearly 50 years eating what I pleased and now....BAM...it's like I am suddenly allergic to all these things at one time.  Dinner tonight was rather sad with me wishing I could have a big salad and soup at Panera with bread and a Green Iced Tea....my usu....instead I got a big salad no soup and no bread...and water...Prison I tell ya. 

But here is the main thing....I want to be here for my boys, to watch them become wonderful, generous, God loving men.  Men...men... they won't be men for man,y many years.....I need to be here all of those. So I have to make this work...no matter what I have to be here to see them date and marry and be all GROWN!! So right here, right now I am asking GOD to H E L P me...I pray to you that you can see me through the worst of these times that you will see me fit to be there for my boys...I give you my heart and my complete trust...